People come to therapy because something in their life is not working as they would like it to. Unstable relationships, emotional distance, anxiety, self-criticism, despair, emptiness despite functioning well outwardly, or any number of highly personal experiences. If something feels difficult, stuck, or just worth understanding more deeply, therapy can provide a space in which to attend to it with real focus and support. You don’t need a diagnosis, a label, or a crisis to begin therapy; only a curiosity about yourself and a wish for things to be different. Read more about the issues I work with…
Most people who come to therapy are in careers, families, education, or in some way out in the world. A private therapy practice is not an acute crisis service; rather, it is a place for ongoing reflective work on the more difficult aspects of an otherwise functioning life, particularly issues that have no place for expression or exploration in regular daily life.
You may not have words for what feels wrong. But it’s likely that you know it, just in a way that hasn’t yet been thought out. Therapy is a process by which you finally get to think about what was previously only assumed, hidden, or suppressed. So, yes. All you need at the outset is a sense that something’s wrong; therapy helps you put it into words.
The ultimate goal of therapy is to help you bring about some change. This primarily means internal change – that you experience life differently within yourself, or with improved self-understanding. It might also have an impact externally – for example in your relationships or the choices you make. The exact change will be particular to you, so it’s hard to generalise. Broadly speaking, the goal is a more balanced, accepting, and less distressed way of being. In a sense, learning to love.
There are multiple therapy types, which divide broadly into three categories: Psychodynamic, Humanistic, and Cognitive-Behavioral. Very simplistically, they differ in that Psychodynamic therapy focuses on the causes of a psychological difficulty; Humanistic on a philosophical acceptance of it; and Behavioural on managing its symptoms. There’s also Integrative therapy, which means a combination of these, usually specific a particular therapist.
I take an Integrative position: I consider all the main therapy modalities to have enormous value, and that no single one of them captures the breadth of human experience or therapeutic potential. That said, my primary approach is Psychodynamic, as I believe it to have the greatest explanatory richness. I also hold that the experience and ultimate goals of therapy are essentially Humanistic. Read more about my approach…
It depends on wether you’re primarily interested in understanding the roots of your problem (Psychodynamic), finding the wisdom to live with it (Humanistic), training yourself to experience it differently (Cognitive-Behavioural), or a combination of these (Integrative). More important than choosing a type of therapy, however, is the quality of the connection you have with the actual therapist (see the following question).
Yes, I strongly encourage you to take your time in choosing the right therapist, thinking about the approach that best suits your issues and preferences. Even more importantly, you need to find someone that you connect with and feel comfortable in the presence of. A good idea is to have an initial consultation with at least two therapists – or more if you can afford it – and then decide.
Because you’ll spend a lot of time with your therapist and will need to feel comfortable opening up emotionally and sharing very personal things with them. This will depend on a deep sense of trust, companionship, and that they feel like a real person to you. Research shows that the relationship between you and them is in itself therapeutic and potentially transformative – but only if you click on some crucial, basic level. If you don’t, you haven’t found the right therapist.
The quality of your relationship with your therapist is crucially important and is far more likely to develop if you both get to sit in the same room together. Online therapy may offer time and financial conveniences, but is less likely to be transformative. I generally only offer it as an occasional fallback rather than as a primary way of working, and have a preference for in-person therapy whenever possible.
A first session (initial consultation) is a chance for you to get a feel for doing therapy with me. You’re invited to speak about what’s bringing you here, ask me any questions about how we would work, and see for yourself if you think this is the right fit. I encourage you to also have a session with one or more other therapists to compare and choose who’s best for you.
Yes and no. The structure is a 50-minute session; it starts and ends predictably; the therapist is fully present, ethical, and boundaried; they attend to you with committed interest, non-judgment, and without agenda. You just need to show up. Say what you need to say or feel what you need to feel. You can experiment with preparation and with no preparation. The therapist holds the frame, and you are whoever you are within it. Everyone is different.
Some people do find it difficult to talk. Initially, or even after some time in therapy. Don’t worry about it. There are no “shoulds” in therapy, expectations, or “correct” way to do it. The whole point is to just bring your own way of being into the room, including any silence, ambivalence, scepticism, embarrassment, fog, or emptiness.
I believe that weekly is a minimum frequency if the intention is meaningful change. Twice weekly is ideal, but is obviously expensive. Some people opt for fortnightly or ad-hoc sessions for financial or scheduling reasons. We can discuss what’s right for you, and it can change over time.
Only as long as it’s useful. That’s not quite as simple as it sounds, because it can take time to become felt as useful. But I encourage this to be discussed. I am keen that you have a tangible sense of progress in it, and that it doesn’t drag on or become a dependency. And in all cases, it’s completely your decision to start, pause, or end therapy.
The next step is to book an initial consultation or a free call with me, with no obligation. Or, feel free to just contact me with any questions you may have